


You can never have enough (gay) group chat AUs

by DM500 (DapperMuffin)



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Gavin Reed Not Being an Asshole, Gavin Reed angst, Kinda, Light Angst, M/M, Memes, Multi, No Beta, North and Simon have no chill around each other, North angst, North's kinda a bro, Polyamorous Character, Post-Pacifist Best Ending (Detroit: Become Human), Sudden angst, T for swearing and these people are so dirty-minded, Tina speaks French, Vines, all the ships move at their own pace, and I thought maybe the gay panic was funny enough to justify posting it, basically crack sorry, chat au, everybody's LGBTQ and everybody swears at least some, gen z humor, just a gay chat, minor gay pining, when the ship's so rare you have to INVENT the relationship tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2019-11-25 19:41:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 9,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18170600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DapperMuffin/pseuds/DM500
Summary: Connor Riley has logged off.directional_lesbean: that’s suspiciousTina: hmmmmTina: hmmmmmmmTina: hMMMMMMdefective-detective: tina, pleaseTina: yeet sorrydefective-detective: did you unironically say yeet?Tina: yeetflowergay: What is happeningRoboJesus: Simon, they're Gen ZRoboJesus: They do thisRoboJesus: Just let it happen





	1. The Gays Have Too Much Rainbow Power

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for this. There's literally no reason to read this, it's the product of my gay, asexual brain just vomiting rainbows on everything and everyone in every fandom including this one. That being said, it's still kind of crack, but I put way too much work into making sure every character types the same every time and trying to choose usernames that I felt sort of represented them, so I figured, fuck it, somebody would still want to read it.
> 
> I promise plot starts happening eventually and it gets a little less crack, but you just have to stick with it, sorry.
> 
> Don't take ANYTHING in this seriously, it's just me messing around

_ [8:53 AM] _

**ilikedogs has logged on.**

 

ilikedogs: Nines

ilikedogs: Nines

ilikedogs: nINES

RK900: What?

ilikedogs: uh

ilikedogs: Never mind.

RK900: So you’re bothering me

RK900: For no reason?

ilikedogs: Yeah.

ilikedogs: Sorry.

 

_[8:58 AM]_

**Connor Riley has started a group chat.**

**Connor Riley has invited Nines Riley, Gavin Reed, Markus Manfred, Simon Phillips, North Browne, and Josh Lee.**

 

Connor: Hey

**Simon Phillips’s name was changed to flowergay.**

 

flowergay: Connor what is this

Connor: A chat

Connor: Can’t you tell?

Gavin: very funny, smartass

Gavin: who are these people

Gavin: and why am i here?

North: i bet we’re all of connor’s friends

Nines: I mean, you aren’t wrong…

Josh: Is there a purpose to this, Connor?

Connor: This is

Connor: A gay chat

Josh: Okay, well, I’m aro-ace

Josh: And I’m leaving

**Josh Lee has left the chat.**

 

Connor: No

Connor: Don’t go :(

flowergay: Dramatic exit

**North Browne’s name was changed to directional_lesbean.**

 

directional_lesbean: so

directional_lesbean: i’m lesbian

directional_lesbean: and i dunno about you guys

directional_lesbean: but fuck all that hetero bullshit

Gavin: i think we’re going to get along

Gavin: verrrry well

**Gavin Reed’s name was changed to defective-detective.**

 

defective-detective: but connor

defective-detective: can i invite somebody to the chat

defective-detective: she’s pansexual

defective-detective: but acts like a lesbian anyway

Connor: I don’t see why not.

**defective-detective has invited Tina Chen.**

**Tina Chen has joined the chat.**

 

Tina: hey

Tina: who tf are all u ppl

Tina: also hey

Tina: did i read that right

Tina: connor of all ppl started a gay chat

Tina: this might be fun

directional_lesbean: hey connor, can i invite someone too?

directional_lesbean: she’s bi

Connor: The more the merrier.

Nines: Connor, this is going to get out of hand.

Markus: Shhhh, just let him have his fun

**directional_lesbean has invited Chloe Kamski.**

**Chloe Kamski has joined the chat.**

 

directional_lesbean: tadah

Chloe: Oh, hello.

Chloe: I'm Chloe, as you can see.

directional_lesbean: welcome to the gay chat

defective-detective: so all of you are really not straight?

flowergay: Do I look straight to you

defective-detective: I can't see you

defective-detective: but your name does sound kinda gay

flowergay: Im 100% gay

defective-detective: same

**Markus Manfred's name was changed to RoboJesus.**

 

RoboJesus: Bi here

Chloe: Me too!

directional_lesbean: again I'm lesbian

Tina: pansexual

Tina: hey connor nines what about u guys

Connor: I don't really know

Connor: I've only really liked one person and it's more for their personality than anything else.

flowergay: So youre demisexual?

Connor: What does that mean?

flowergay: It means you have to have a “strong emotional bond” (thanks internet) to somebody before you can see them romantically

Connor: I do seem to fit that description. Perhaps I am.

Nines: Connor, you like someone?

Connor: I hadn't mentioned it yet?

Connor: …

Connor: It's a secret for now.

Nines: Alright then.

defective-detective: no but really nines who do you wanna fuck?

Nines: Excuse you?

Tina: yeah whats ur sexuality nines

Nines: I'm… not sure.

RoboJesus: That's alright, you've only been deviant for three months

RoboJesus: These things take time

flowergay: Some of us know right away but it takes longer for others

Chloe: That's right, it's different for everyone. I'm sure you'll figure it out ^~^

directional_lesbean: chloe, did you just

directional_lesbean: “^~^”

Chloe: Why, yes, I did just

Chloe: “^~^”

Chloe: owo

**Chloe Kamski's name was changed to smol bean.**

 

smol bean: uwu

Tina: adorable

defective-detective: hey wait

defective-detective: connor you didn't invite hank?

Connor: I'm not sure a millennial could survive this chat.

Connor: Besides, he's straight.

defective-detective: you don't know? he's bi

defective-detective: came out a few years back

Connor: He is?

Connor: Wait I have to

Connor: Go do

Connor: stuff

**Connor Riley has logged off.**

 

directional_lesbean: that’s suspicious

Tina: hmmmm

Tina: hmmmmmmm

Tina: hMMMMMM

defective-detective: tina, please

Tina: yeet sorry

defective-detective: did you unironically say yeet?

Tina: yeet

flowergay: What is happening

RoboJesus: Simon, they're Gen Z

RoboJesus: They do this

RoboJesus: Just let it happen

**Nines Riley has logged off.**

 


	2. Gay Pining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> why do u enable me like this k bye just dropping this here oof

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys are enabling me & i both love and hate you for it
> 
> Also, added a little to the beginning of last chapter but it's not much so i don't really care if you read that

_ [9:37 AM] _

**RK900 has logged on.**

 

RK900: Connor?

RK900: What happened back there?

ilikedogs: Norhing hapoened

RK900: Connor, how are you making typos? You're not even on a phone, you're typing in your head.

RK900: If you're having typos, it must be bad.

RK900: I know you like to annoy me sometimes, but I think you genuinely had something you wanted to talk to me about earlier but you changed your mind.

RK900: Tell me what that was all about.

ilikedogs: It was Hank.

ilikedogs: Isn't that what it's always about?

RK900: Oh, Connor.

RK900: When you said you liked someone earlier…

RK900: Don't tell me you love…?

ilikedogs: Ugh, it's so stupid, and I know it's wrong. I know he's not ready for a relationship again, and I'm never going to be ready for a relationship. I feel bad for liking him when he doesn't like me back.

ilikedogs: I've been trying to hide it but it's gotten harder lately. I think he's noticed I've been off.

ilikedogs: What should I do, Nines?

ilikedogs: Now that I know he's bisexual, it's ten times worse. I know that he could love me, but he doesn't.

ilikedogs: I keep letting myself hope for a second that it could be mutual, but then I remember that's foolish and I'm just his friend.

RK900: Oh, Connor.

RK900: I'm coming over there.

ilikedogs: What? You don't have to do that.

RK900: You need a hug, and I've got to talk to you.

RK900: You're my brother, stupid.

RK900: I'll be there soon.

ilikedogs: Thanks.

**RK900 has logged off.**

 

_ [9:53 AM] _

hank: connor ur brother's @ the door

Connor: I'll be right there.

hank: connor that's the fuvking doprbel

hank: connor he's gonna break it

hank: connor i think he's just gonna keep pressing it

hank: cobnor

Connor: Okay, okay, I'm going!

Connor: And can't you spell my name right, at least?

hank: nah, i’m too lazy

Connor: Fine, whatever.

Connor: And next time, I'm going to turn down my audio sensors all the way and let you get the door because I won't be able to hear it.

hank: u wouldn't

hank: connor don't do it

Connor: It's still a valid threat.

hank: fuckinf android

hank: fuvk u

Connor: Why don't you come do it yourself?  _ (message unsent) _

Connor: _Fuck_ _(message unsent)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The convos between Hank & Connor have got to be my favorite part of this


	3. Apparently People Who Live In Detroit Have No Concept of Privacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> directional_lesbean: out of curiosity and because i “have no concern for other people's privacy”  
> directional_lesbean: or so i've been told  
> directional_lesbean: you and tina are human, yeah?  
> directional_lesbean: would either of you fuck an android?  
> directional_lesbean: and no i’m not offering

_ [10:04 AM] _

defective-detective: hey where'd connor & nines go anyway

Tina: oh shit yea forgot they left TBH

defective-detective: rude

Tina: that coming from u gavin

directional_lesbean: oooh shit she’s got a point

directional_lesbean: not that I know you or anything you just seem

directional_lesbean: uh forget I said anything

defective-detective: i’m being bullied pls send halp

Tina: i swear if u side with him i will find u and hurt u :)

smol bean: I'm scared now.

directional_lesbean: i'll protect you

smol bean: uvu

flowergay: Why did the chat take such a weird turn

flowergay: Also Markus Im scared too

RoboJesus: With the powers within me, I declare you safe from Tina's evil.

flowergay: Thanks I guess

directional_lesbean: not quite sure that's what he was looking for markus

directional_lesbean: your both so dense

RoboJesus: I'm offended

RoboJesus: At least, I think I am

RoboJesus: I'm just kind of confused

defective-detective: you and me both

defective-detective: shit I just recognized that name

defective-detective: you're markus that android that lead the fucking revolution

defective-detective: why are you spending time in this chat then?

RoboJesus: Being a leader to an entire species is tiring

RoboJesus: Sometimes I need a break from the politics

defective-detective: oh, I get that

directional_lesbean: out of curiosity and because i “have no concern for other people's privacy”

directional_lesbean: or so i've been told

directional_lesbean: you and tina are human, yeah?

directional_lesbean: would either of you fuck an android?

directional_lesbean: and no i’m not offering

defective-detective: what the fuck

Tina: u never know i might if i found the right android

defective-detective: what

defective-detective: the fvck

defective-detective: shit

directional_lesbean: well, would you?

Tina: yeah gavin whats w/ the suspense? Would u fuck an android or not? Its a simple question

defective-detective: jesus christ

RoboJesus: You called?

defective-detective: asdgdssffd I'm leaving

defective-detective: hope you're happy

**defective-detective has logged off.**

 

Tina: well if he wasnt defective before he definitely is now

directional_lesbean: you know, i think i like you.

Tina: cheers

flowergay: North, why did you just do that?

flowergay: Now weve lost Connor Nines and Gavin

flowergay: Were three people short

flowergay: Actually I have to go now

flowergay: Technically I had to go four minutes ago

**flowergay has logged off.**

 

RoboJesus: Me too

RoboJesus: Have fun, you lesbians ;)

**RoboJesus has logged off.**

 

directional_lesbean: well, shit

directional_lesbean: now there's only three of us

directional_lesbean: chloe? you didn't leave, right?

smol bean: I'm still here o~o

directional_lesbean: cool. wanna talk about how men are fucking dense? keep in mind this is all coming from an actual lesbian (unlike you wannabes) and i have no interest in men

directional_lesbean: besides all the men i know are gay anyway so there's no point in being straight if your me

directional_lesbean: but i meant platonically complaining about how men are not observant

directional_lesbean: like at all

Tina: omfg gavins so dumb

Tina: hes still hung up over some guy who dumped him last year

Tina: wait its actually been a year and a half

Tina: move on, idiot

Tina: theres a few perfectly good men around u

Tina: ask somebody else out bc im sure theyd accept

smol bean: Oh boy.

directional_lesbean: meant to ask do you still live with kamski

smol bean: I do.

directional_lesbean: i heard that he fucks his st200s. is that true?

smol bean: Only a few of them have stuck around, and he does still engage in sexual relations with two (but it’s consensual).

Tina: isnt that weird though? Knowing he fucks ur sisters (who have your face) but thinks of u as his kid?

smol bean: A little, if I think about it too much. But I've accepted it and for the most part just ignore that it happens at all.

directional_lesbean: and that works?

smol bean: Mostly.

directional_lesbean: that guy's so weird.

directional_lesbean: no offense sorry

smol bean: none taken uwu

 

_ [8:07 AM] _

Connor: Hank, get up.

hank: wtf connor its like 6 in the morning

Connor: It's past eight. Stop being so immature.

hank: i got no sleep last night leave me alone

Connor: What time did you go to bed?

hank: 12

Connor: And did you wake up at all before I texted you?

hank: no

Connor: You got eight hours of sleep last night. That's as much as somebody your age should be getting. Get out of bed.

hank: no connor

hank: shit whats that smell

hank: is that bacon

Connor: Yes, and if you don't get up soon it's going to get cold.

hank: fuck fine you got me getting up now

hank: fhjufgh

Connor: Hank? What was that thump? Are you okay?

hank: fell outta bed im fine

hank: it hurts but im fine

Connor: What hurts?

hank: everuthinb

hank: shit

Connor: Do I need to come help you up off the floor?

hank: no its fine i said

Connor: Are you sure?

hank: connor for fucks sake just make the fucking bacon thanks

Connor: If you insist.


	4. Simon being a nosy bastard who gets what he deserves; Gavin gets bulli'd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nines: “Dipshit” is, in no way, an affectionate nickname, Detective Reed.
> 
> \-----
> 
> flowergay: northisglaringatmefromacrosstheroomandidbetterchangethesubjectnow  
> flowergay: so heeeyyyyy  
> flowergay: Are we all single with a whole lot of gay longing™?  
> flowergay: or is it just me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the north/chloe/tina starts this chap. and then slowly picks up speed in future chaps.
> 
> but yay for android lesbians i guess

_ [9:37 AM] _

**Tina Chen has started a group chat.** **  
** **Tina Chen invited Chloe Kamski and North Browne.**

**Chloe Kamski’s name was changed to owo.**

**North Browne’s name was changed to tsunderebean.**

**Tina Chen’s name was changed to chaotic neutral.**

 

chaotic neutral: hey

**The group chat was named “Girl’s day out.”**

 

tsunderebean: ???

tsunderebean: ?????

chaotic neutral: okay u can stop that now

chaotic neutral: i just thought itd be fun if we went out somewhere

chaotic neutral: got to know each other

chaotic neutral: u know

owo: Oh, that sounds like a lot of fun. Do you have a time or place picked out?

owo: I just realized I don’t know what you look like.

chaotic neutral: im average height,asian,youll know me when you see me

chaotic neutral: i just figured wed pick a place and then id look for u guys since i know what a chloe model looks like

chaotic neutral: hey i dont know ur model north

chaotic neutral: itll be a bit harder to find u so hopefully chloe knows what u look like and can find u first if u get there ahead of us

tsunderebean: my model isn’t important. please don’t ask me about it. please.

chaotic neutral: oooookay then

chaotic neutral: guessing u have a good reason for not wanting to tell me and ill respecc that

chaotic neutral: respect? respecc?

chaotic neutral: shit

chaotic neutral: oh well nvm

owo: I'm fairly certain that it's “respect.”

chaotic neutral: yea that

tsunderebean: lemme guess, gen z culture again

chaotic neutral: yeet

tsunderebean: what

chaotic neutral: yEET

 

_ [10:00 AM] _

**Connor Riley has logged on.**

 

Connor: Hey.

Connor: How is everyone?

flowergay: Connor youre back

RoboJesus: What happened? Why did you have to leave like that?

Connor: I forgot that I left the sink running in the bathroom.

defective-detective: ohhoho

defective-detective: likely story dipshit but i’m a detective

flowergay: !!!!

defective-detective: it’s an affectionate nickname, chill

Nines: “Dipshit” is, in no way, an affectionate nickname, Detective Reed.

defective-detective: oh fuck off, will you, tin can?

flowergay: Its getting kind of hostile in here

defective-detective: okay, look, i say shit like that all the time

defective-detective: it doesn’t mean anything

defective-detective: jfc dont read into shit like that

Connor: If you say so.

**Tina Chen has logged on.**

**directional_lesbean has logged on.**

 

Tina: heyyyyy

Tina: whatd we miss

directional_lesbean: had to do some stuff, what’s up

flowergay: North I can see you

flowergay: Where have you been

flowergay: Why are you smiling like that

flowergay: No

flowergay: No way

flowergay: I havent seen her smile like that since Alyssa

flowergay: Shes fucking blusgingdhhdhdhghf

RoboJesus: Simon, what just happened?

RoboJesus: Why does North have you pinned to the floor

RoboJesus: Simon

RoboJesus: Are you okay?

Tina: whos alyssa

directional_lesbean: nobody tell anybody shit

directional_lesbean: markus, be quiet

directional_lesbean: okay, simon’s been warned what’ll happen if he says an y thi ng

**smol bean has logged on.**

 

smol bean: Oh no, I just got back to the chat, what's going on?

flowergay: North just tried to kill me and Im scared for my life

Nines: Connor, didn't I tell you this would get out of hand?

Connor: Oops.

flowergay: northisglaringatmefromacrosstheroomandidbetterchangethesubjectnow

flowergay: so heeeyyyyy

flowergay: Are we all single with a whole lot of gay longing™?

flowergay: or is it just me?

Tina: i know i can def vouch for gavin and nines

defective-detective: hey, what's that supposed to mean

Tina: connor im not sure abt

Connor: Yup, I'm single.

defective-detective: don't ignore me tina!

Tina: sorry did somebody say something

Tina: cause i cant hear anything

Nines: No, I didn't hear anything either, Tina.

defective-detective: wtf???

**defective-detective has been kicked out of the chat.**

 

directional_lesbean: fuuuuuck

directional_lesbean: you really did that

Tina: dont worry hell be back at some point

Tina: sometimes its just nice not to have to listen to his gay anger constantly

 

_ [10:25 AM] _

**coffee has logged on.**

 

coffee: tina, really, what the fuck

 

**thatpanfriend has blocked coffee.**

 

**angergay has logged on.**

 

angergay: nines, tina just blocked me

angergay: shit don’t you dare do anything

 

**plastictwink has blocked angergay.**

 

**phckyou has logged on.**

 

phckyou: connor, please

tin can: No.

 

**tin can has blocked phckyou.**

 

**Gavin has logged on.**

 

Gavin: hank, help me please

Gavin: they kicked me out of the group chat

Gavin: and then tina, nines, and connor all blocked me

hnak: srry wtf is going on again

Gavin: they're being mean to me

hnak: fuckin fine

hnak: ill talk to connor

Gavin: thank fuckin godddd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i still have no excuse for this fic
> 
> i have no clue why y'all find it as funny as i do but t h a n k
> 
> ALSO do you guys want a side story with the North/Chloe/Tina "date"? cause I'll 100% write it if you want it


	5. Random Christmas and other unexpected stuff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What happens when I name these chapters?
> 
> Actually, no, what happens when I write this fic?
> 
> I seriously always have like seven chapters pre-written because it's fun to write self-indulgent crack

_ [6:14 AM, December 25th] _

**Tina Chen has logged on.**

 

Tina: wake up motherfuckers

Tina: its christmus

**defective-detective has logged on.**

 

defective-detective: merry chrysler, bitches

Nines: Oh no.

Nines: Connor, please tell me I can mute the chat.

Connor: Sorry, I don't think that's a current function of the RK series.

Nines: Damn.

directional_lesbean: you know your the only ones who really need the sleep tho

directional_lesbean: since your the only humans in the chat and we’re all androids

defective-detective: shit, really?

directional_lesbean: yes

directional_lesbean: go back to sleep

directional_lesbean: meme later

defective-detective: nah i don't run off sleep,,, what're you talking about?

defective-detective: obvs i run off caffeine all day

defective-detective: that's why i'm married to the coffee maker at the precinct

Nines: Gavin, go to sleep.

defective-detective: fuck no

Nines: Well, I warned you. The evidence is here that he brought this upon himself.

Tina: whats going on guys

defective-detective: on second thought, yea i’m going back to bed

**defective-detective has logged off.**

 

Tina: what the hell did u do to him nines

Nines: It's a secret.

 

_ [12:53 PM, January 7th] _

angergay: shit

angergay: nines i need help

 

**plastictwink has logged on.**

 

plastictwink: Gavin, what happened?

angergay: got shot

angergay: nines please

angergay: there's blood everywhere

plastictwink: I'm on my way.

plastictwink: Just keep texting me, call me, even. Don't close your eyes.

plastictwink: Please.

plastictwink: Gavin?

plastictwink: Gavin, this isn't funny.

plastictwink: Gavin, fucking text back!

plastictwink: Gavin, please, why won't you pick up my call?

 

_ [12:56 PM] _

**RK900 has logged on.**

 

RK900: Connor, please, Gavin's been shot and I don't know where he is.

RK900: Dammit, why didn't I ask him where he was?

RK900: And he's stopped responding to me please Connro

ilikedogs: Oh no, really? Where are you?

ilikedogs: Hank and I will be on our way shortly.

 

_ [1:00 PM] _

thatpanfriend: hey gavin where are u

thatpanfriend: the guys at the station were expecting u back by now

thatpanfriend: i think theyre worried

thatpanfriend: gav?

thatpanfriend: youre starting to worry me too

 

**coffee has logged on.**

 

coffee: This is Nines. Gavin is in the hospital.

thatpanfriend: omh what happened

coffee: He was shot on a case. One that he decided not to take me on, even though he knew it would be dangerous without a partner.

thatpanfriend: u sound so calm but ur really worried arent u

coffee: I am.

thatpanfriend: where is he in the hospital

thatpanfriend: bc im coming to u

coffee: I still haven't heard anything about his condition. He's in surgery, that's all they've told me, and he's not allowed visitors yet.

thatpanfriend: holy shit ur really freaking out

coffee: How can you tell?

thatpanfriend: look i know u and i know how much u care abt gavin

thatpanfriend: okay im here where are u

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sudden angst oops ;)


	6. Chaos, chaos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You crazy bastards (and I mean that in the most complimentary way, I promise!)  
> I wrote this as a self-indulgent crack fic, but now it's got 104 kudos, 776 hits, 7 bookmarks, and 29 subscriptions, what the heck, thank you guys so much O~O  
> I meant to upload this yesterday but I literally forgot. For that, and because of 100+ kudos, it's a slightly longer chapter (I think)!

_ [2:40 PM, January 8th] _

flowergay: it feels like half the chat's gone

flowergay: where is everybody

**Connor Riley has logged on.**

 

Connor: Gavin has been shot, so several of us are waiting for him to wake up so we can see him. He's been in surgery for almost an hour.

directional_lesbean: shiiiiit

smol bean: Oh, no

RoboJesus: How did it happen?

Connor: We don't exactly know. He hasn't been awake enough to tell anyone. All we know is that he was shot, and he texted Nines for help.

**Nines Riley has logged on.**

 

smol bean: How are you holding up, Nines?

Nines: I'm alright.

directional_lesbean: are you sure

directional_lesbean: we're not gonna judge

Nines: I'm fine.

Connor: You know you can talk to me, but I won't force you.

Nines: Connor, I'm fine!

 

**Nines Riley has logged off.**

 

directional_lesbean: oof

RoboJesus: big oof

 

_ [2:47 AM] _

**tsunderebean has logged on.**

 

tsunderebean: hey tina you okay

tsunderebean: i heard about your friend

tsunderebean: i know your pretty close to gavin

**chaotic neutral has logged on.**

 

chaotic neutral: this is just stressful

chaotic neutral: gavins the closest thing i have to family anymore

chaotic neutral: and im pretty sure he feels the same

chaotic neutral: the doctors say hes gonna live but im still worried. i mean hes been shot before but still. u cant always be lucky

tsunderebean: need me to come wait w you?

chaotic neutral: yeah id like that

 

_ [3:05 PM] _

**Connor Riley has started a private chat with Tina Chen.**

 

Connor: Just out of curiosity, why is North here?

Tina: well were friends now and she offered to wait w me bc i told her i was worried abt gavin

Connor: Ah. I had no idea you ever really talked.

Tina: welllllllll

Tina: can you keep a secret

Connor: Oh, yes, absolutely, tell me everything.

Tina: okay so

Tina: i really like her and chloe

Tina: i think im polyamorous

Tina: u know

Tina: i like multiple ppl at once

Tina: and i sort of asked them out on a date last week

Tina: and thats why north was blushing and she attacked simon bc shed just gotten back to jericho

Connor: That is adorable. Let me know if you need a wingman, since I know Gavin isn't the most

Connor: perceptive

Connor: when it comes to relationships.

Tina: will do thanks for the backup

 

_ [3:34 PM] _

Tina: finallllllyyyyy

Tina: theyre letting us go in now

Tina: ah shit only a few at a time tho

Tina: so uh guess ill wait

Connor: No, you and Nines get first priority. You're both his best friends, go on.

Tina: but

Connor: You go in first.

Tina: ah connor i love u so much platonically dude

**Tina Chen has logged off.**

 

directional_lesbean: this is even cuter in person, lol

flowergay: Okay North why are you there you dont know Gavin

directional_lesbean: i’m waiting with Tina

directional_lesbean: who is also a friend i'll have you know

RoboJesus: Since when?

directional_lesbean: we are not talking about this here

 

_ “Jericrew” _

_ [3:35 PM] _

iced-tea: North tell us everything

Mage: I’m sorry, did something happen in that chat of Connor’s?

iced-tea: Norths allegedly ‘friends’ with this human called Tina

iced-tea: but I think theres more that shes just not saying

your-lord-and-savior: Well, we don’t  _ know _ if there is anything between them

your-lord-and-savior: So, tell us, North,  _ is _ there anything between you two?

iced-tea: And why did you attack me for mentioning your blush in the chat?

Mage: When did any of this happen?

iced-tea:  _ <screenshot.png> _

 

Mage: Ah, alright. Didn’t North bodily tackling you to the floor  _ hurt, _ at all?

iced-tea: Oh yeah it hurt plenty :)

your-lord-and-savior: Simon, I’m scared for you

iced-tea: :))

your-lord-and-savior: North, don’t think we’ve forgotten about you

your-lord-and-savior: So, IS there anything between you two?

holyshit: ra9, you guys, you’re merciless, damn

holyshit: SO WHAT if there is something between us?

iced-tea: DENIAL shes in denial shes hiding shit

your-lord-and-savior: Simon, calm down

iced-tea: (sorry)

your-lord-and-savior: North, it’ll be more painless if you just answer it

holyshit: oh, fucking FINE you heartless bastards

holyshit: i’m not exactly sure what she thinks of me but i really like her, okay?

iced-tea: Confession extracted repeat confession extracted

holyshit: simon, are you trying to die?

iced-tea: Nope sorry

your-lord-and-savior: Hold on, didn’t you mention some “Chloe” at one point?

holyshit: that “smol bean” person is chloe, remember? you met her, she used to be kamski’s, she was the first android?

iced-tea: Youre trying to get the original android under your sheets

iced-tea: How high your standards are

holyshit: i don’t remember you being so dirty-minded

iced-tea: Blame Markus ;)

your-lord-and-savior: Simon

iced-tea: What

iced-tea: Oops

holyshit: okay, okay, okay, what

holyshit: why are we talking about MY relationships when THAT just happened???

Mage: That  _ is _ extremely unusual; is there something you two aren’t telling us?

holyshit: ARE YOU OR ARE YOU NOT FUCKING

iced-tea: RA9 North calm down

your-lord-and-savior: I’m not even going to touch that question

holyshit: holy shit

holyshit: they totally are, Josh

holyshit: i can’t BELIEVE you two (FINALLY) got together and you didn’t tell us!

holyshit: do you know how long i’ve been rooting for you guys to get together?

holyshit: a real fucking long time, that is

iced-tea: Okay fine sorry for not sharing it

iced-tea: Maybe we just wanted to have something between us that the entire world didnt know about

your-lord-and-savior: We were worried that, if we told anyone, the word would make its way to the news

your-lord-and-savior: We don’t need that kind of attention

holyshit: oh, i get that

holyshit: still, would  _ we _ tell anyone?

iced-tea: Do you remember the last time we told you anything

holyshit: nO

holyshit: wait

holyshit: yeah, i do

holyshit: fuck,,,

iced-tea: And there it is

iced-tea: Also just so you know I can hear you from ALL the way across new Jericho

iced-tea: You might want to work on your volume

your-lord-and-savior: Really, though, North, what’s between you and Chloe if you like Tina? I remember you were ranting about how gorgeous she was, how silken her hair was, how her eyes were like deep pools of water

holyshit: ughgh did i really say that

holyshit: so, uh, i’m polyamorous

holyshit: so i like… both of them?

holyshit: anddfdsd

holyshit: FUKCING DAMMIT

Mage: What’s happened now?

holyshit: tina might’ve asked us both out on a date together but i’m a dense motherfucker and i thought we were just going out as friends????

holyshit: fuck???

iced-tea: Whoa okay

iced-tea: What are you going to do now

holyshit: go fuckin see her now i guess shit

**holyshit has logged off.**

 

Mage: Well, that occurred.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is North anyone else's favorite/most relatable character in this fic? Because I like her a lot more in my fics than I do in the game :\
> 
> Also, hopefully you all could tell who's who in the Jericrew chat? North and Markus should be pretty straightforward, and you can figure out Simon & Josh by context I think


	7. New arrivals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter RoboMom!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going on vacation for the weekend, hope you guys enjoy this chapter and have a fun weekend! (It's a little longer than usual, 'cause now that people are actually reading this, I feel kinda guilty for having such short chapters,,

_ “Girl's day out” _

_ [3:40 PM] _

**tsunderebean has logged on.**

 

tsunderebean: tinaaaaa

tsunderebean: where do you live, it's important I need to come see you

**chaotic neutral has logged on.**

 

chaotic neutral: hey whats up why do u need my address

tsunderebean: pleeeease I'll tell you when I get there

chaotic neutral: uh okay i guess

**chaotic neutral has sent a location.**

 

tsunderebean: okay I'm here

tsunderebean: come get the door

 

_ [9:00 AM, January 10th] _

**defective-detective has logged on.**

 

defective-detective: heyyyyy bitches

defective-detective: guess who's not dead

Tina: eyyyy

Connor: Um, Gavin, are you supposed to be on your phone?

defective-detective: i mean, not technically but fuck it

defective-detective: as long as nines doesn't find out

Nines: What am I not finding out, Gavin?

defective-detective: shit

**defective-detective has logged off.**

 

Tina: well there u go

 

_ [10:25 AM, January 21st] _

**Markus Manfred has started a private chat with Kara Williams.**

 

Markus: Kara, how is it in Canada?

Kara: hello, Markus!

Kara: it's alright. people are still suspicious of androids, but it's not illegal to be deviant, so that's something.

Markus: Kara, I was wondering if you'd like to return to Detroit, once it's calm enough?

Kara: I think it might benefit Alice, to be able to live somewhere she doesn't have to hide the fact she's android from everyone. why, is it starting to get better?

Markus: Indeed, in fact I bet you could come back today

Markus: We at Jericho will help you find a place to live, if you'd like

Kara: that might be a good idea. my family is kind of large now.

Markus: Oh?

Kara: well, there's me, Alice, and Luther, as well as a WR600 named Ralph, three EM400s who are apparently all Jerry, and two humans who helped us across the border.

Markus: I see, that is a large family

Markus: Still, we shouldn't have too much trouble finding a place for all of you

Kara: alright, thank you so much for everything you've done for us, Markus. I think we might just head back today!

Kara: what's crossing the border like now?

Markus: It shouldn't be too difficult, because now they're not checking for androids

Markus: They're just going to ask if anybody in your group is an android, but if you lie and they know, they won't say anything

Markus: It's just a cautionary thing

Kara: oh, good! we'll see you later, then!

**Kara Williams has logged off.**

 

_ [12:45 PM, January 22nd] _

**thatpanfriend has logged on.**

 

thatpanfriend: hey bitch

coffee: hello slut

thatpanfriend: fuc u

coffee: oh damn that's no way to greet a friend

thatpanfriend: hah what weve always said hello like that

coffee: a little harsher though than usual

thatpanfriend: oof was it sorry

thatpanfriend: so hey u made a move on him yet

thatpanfriend: or are u still a coward

coffee: i feel? so attacked?? today???

coffee: but no not yet

coffee: why??

thatpanfriend: hah, cmon gavin man up

thatpanfriend: i know him, and i know he wont make the first move, its gotta be u

coffee: why are you so concerned about my nonexistent love life

coffee: worry about your own

thatpanfriend: ohohoho

thatpanfriend: bitch u have no clue

coffee: did i miss something

thatpanfriend: in case u dont know im polyamorous

thatpanfriend: i have TWO girlfriends bitch!

thatpanfriend: and how many bfs do u have? NONE

thatpanfriend: i mean maybe they didnt know i meant it as a date but i enjoyed it anyway so there

coffee: maybe you should tell them you like them? cause that's awkward as all fuck

thatpanfriend: shut up i still have more of a love life than u

coffee: whatever you say to convince yourself…

thatpanfriend: hnnnnnn

**thatpanfriend has logged off.**

 

coffee: huh

**coffee has logged off.**

 

_ [4:01 PM, January 22nd] _

**Kara Williams has logged on.**

 

Kara: Markus, we made it across the border, and I'm so relieved.

Kara: one of us has scars on his face, and I think they were suspicious, but they still let him pass.

Markus: Where should I meet up with you? I'd like to meet your whole family, actually

Kara: oh, really? I bet they'd like to hear that. let's see… alright, what about here?

**Kara Williams has sent an image.**

 

Markus: Sounds good, I'll be there in twenty minutes

 

_ [5:04 PM, January 23rd] _

Markus: Kara, are you all settled in?

Kara: I think so!

Markus: Alright

Markus: So, I’m sorry about this

Kara: what?

 

_ “gay chat” _

**RoboJesus has logged on.**

**RoboJesus has invited Kara Williams.**

**Kara Williams has joined the chat.**

**Kara Williams’ name was changed to Mom Friend.**

 

RoboJesus: Everyone, this is Kara

RoboJesus: I’m pretty sure she’s straight, but I figured, why not?

Mom Friend: Markus, what is this?

RoboJesus: Welcome to the group

smol bean: Oh, hello, new person!

Tina: eyyyy im pretty sure we all needed a mom friend to make sure none of us jump off a building or something by accident

directional_lesbean: tina, what?

directional_lesbean: that’s not something you do by accident

directional_lesbean: tina are you okay

directional_lesbean: are you trying to tell us something

Tina: :)

Mom Friend: oh, no.

Mom Friend: out of curiosity, how many of you are troubled youths?

defective-detective: it’s not just tina, there’s me too :)

defective-detective: i had a terrible fucking childhood :)

defective-detective: but it’s okay :)

defective-detective: i’m okay :)

defective-detective: i promise :)

Connor: I’m scared for you both.

Nines: Seek help, Detective. Please.

defective-detective: :)

directional_lesbean: oof

Mom Friend: I see that there’s a lot of work for me to do here.

Mom Friend: dammit, my mom instinct takes over too easily.

Mom Friend: so, introductions?

Mom Friend: I'm Kara Williams, as you might have seen.

RoboJesus: I'm obviously Markus

flowergay: Obviously

flowergay: Im Simon, PL600

Connor: I'm pretty sure you know me, I chased you and Alice across a highway once. Sorry about that.

Mom Friend: it's fine, Connor!

Connor: And Nines is basically my brother, he's an RK900.

directional_lesbean: i'm north

smol bean: I'm the original Chloe

Mom Friend: really? nice to meet you, wow.

smol bean: Oh, stop, that's silly; it's not like I'm a celebrity or something.

Nines: And defective-detective is Gavin, and he and Tina are just two

Nines: rather mentally damaged

Nines: humans who work at the DPD with Connor and I.

defective-detective: asfhfsfhd

defective-detective: mentally damaged nines wtf

defective-detective: asfgsad

flowergay: And here you see the language of the gays

directional_lesbean: simon i love you

directional_lesbean: platonically, for the people in the back

Tina: is it possible for all of u to be my best friends now

defective-detective: hey Tina I thought I was your best friend >:(

Tina: oh yeah oops

RoboJesus: So yeah, we have fun here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hit me up on Tumblr @dalekator, I'll talk about whatever, just come quote memes or something in my messages
> 
> Also yES, I headcanon that Kara lives with the fam (and Rose and Adam) as well as Ralph and 3 Jerrys they found in Canada (and the Jerrys are all in a wholesome poly relationship with Ralph full of love and support because he's a misunderstood, traumatized sweetheart who just needs love)


	8. Gavin could use some therapy but he's too much of a stubborn little shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be Friday's chapter, but I've been really tired these last couple of weeks. Good news is, I get out of school for the summer on March 23, so hopefully my writing in general will improve with more time to write chapters. (I took a little break on my other fics until summer because I just need to rest my mind for a few weeks, sorry everyone)

_ [6:08 PM, January 24th] _

**Gavin Reed has started a private chat with Kara Williams.**

 

Gavin: so you're, like

Gavin: supposed to be the 'mom friend’ or whatever

Gavin: can I, uh

Gavin: talk to you for a bit about something?

**Kara Williams has logged on.**

 

Kara: of course, I'm always here to listen.

Kara: what's wrong?

 

_ [7:32 PM] _

**Kara Williams has started a private chat with Nines Riley.**

 

Kara: y'all make sure to take good care of Gavin, do you hear me?

Kara: ;-;

Nines: Okay, what happened that I'm not aware of?

Kara: he asked to talk with me and I listened to  _ all _ of his problems.

Kara: thinking about it, you should probably sign him up for talk therapy, I think it would benefit him.

Nines: You mean, after he gets over his ego?

Kara: y e s then

Kara: just help the poor man.

Nines: I'm kind of worried now, should I be?

Kara: probably.

Kara: he's surprisingly fragile, but he hides it.

Kara: he doesn't want people to judge him for caring.

Kara: so he stifles his emotions and sometimes it all comes out as anger.

Nines: That…

Nines: explains a lot, actually.

Nines: Thank you for letting me know, I'll be sure to check on him later today.

Nines: Or, on second thought, perhaps now might be better.

**Nines Riley has logged off.**

 

_ [7:40 PM] _

**plastictwink has logged on.**

 

plastictwink: Gavin, I'm outside your apartment.

plastictwink: I've done the heat scans, I know you're in there.

plastictwink: Stop pretending like you can't hear me knocking.

angergay: well, maybe don't show up with no warning on somebody's doorstep next time

plastictwink: Apologies.

plastictwink: Kara contacted me and told me she was worried about you.

angergay: dammit, I told her it was confidential

angergay: how much did she say?

plastictwink:  _ <screenshot.png> _

 

angergay: oh good, that's not much at all

angergay: asshole, how do you know where I live

plastictwink: I asked Officer Chen for your address and she complied, rather gleefully I must admit.

angergay: fuckin tina i swear

angergay: what kinda friend just gives out your address to randos

plastictwink: I'm not exactly a “rando,” I've been your work partner for nearly four months. That should count for something, shouldn't it?

angergay: sksksjsj

angergay: just fucking come inside already

 

_ [8:00 AM, January 25th] _

**ilikedogs has logged on.**

 

ilikedogs: Nines, where did you go last night? You were in a hurry, did something happen?

RK900: I had to talk to Gavin.

ilikedogs: Was it an emergency? You looked worried.

RK900: Apparently, he talked to Kara about his

RK900:  _ problems _

RK900: and she was worried about his emotional wellbeing. I had to check on him.

ilikedogs: Ah.

ilikedogs: Listen, Nines, I've told you about Hank.

ilikedogs: Be honest with me, okay?

ilikedogs: Do you like Gavin, romantically?

RK900: Perhaps.

ilikedogs: Oh RA9, you totally do, you're head over heels, otherwise you'd never admit it! owo

RK900: Why the “owo”?

ilikedogs: It felt like an appropriate emoji?

ilikedogs: Don't change the subject! You love him!

RK900: ...I do.

ilikedogs: Okay, holy shit, okay.

ilikedogs: I didn’t expect you to admit it.

ilikedogs: When are you going to tell him? I'll be your wingman.

RK900: I don't think I  _ will _ tell him, Connor.

ilikedogs: What?? Why not?

RK900: He isn't ready for a relationship either.

ilikedogs: How do you know?

RK900: I just do, alright?

RK900: I'm sorry, Connor, I'm just tired.

RK900: I didn't mean to snap.

ilikedogs: Where  _ were _ you last night, anyway?

RK900: I was with the Detective.

ilikedogs: Don't go back to calling him by his title!!!

RK900: Connor, calm yourself.

ilikedogs: Sorry ovo

RK900: He has insomnia, I made him some tea to help him sleep, and he asked me to stay there overnight.

ilikedogs: You guys are so cute <3

ilikedogs: Well, gotta get ready for work, see you there!

**ilikedogs has logged off.**

 

_ [8:59 AM] _

angergay: don't you dare tell anyone about last night

plastictwink: Too late.  _ [message unsent] _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter we get some North angst, so hope y'all are ready for that
> 
> As well as some relationship stuff, so feel free to guess on which ship, but I won't say much because I don't trust myself not to tell you everything


	9. Top 10 Anime Betrayals; North has an emotional rollercoaster ride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "directional_lesbean: i'm disoWNING ALl of yOU  
> defective-detective: is she having a stroke  
> defective-detective: can androids have strokes"
> 
> \-----
> 
> "Mage: Yes, watching North chase a terrified Simon around Jericho, I'm glad I'm not in the chat. I rather enjoy living."
> 
> \-----
> 
> Also, Elijah Kamski's first appearance, being supportive of Chloe yet somehow still sassy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> schedule?? don't know her
> 
> and motivation?? who's that?
> 
> I present a slightly extended chapter because it's more continuous and makes slightly more sense than splitting it any other way. I had a very exhausting week, and I guess I literally just f or go t to upload yesterday, so again, I'm sorry, guys. Here it is, a day late.

_[11:49 AM, February 3rd]_

**North Browne has started a group chat.**

**North Browne has invited Tina Chen, Chloe Kamski, Kara Williams, River Valle, and Echo Brémont.**

**The chat has been named “just the girls”.**

 

North: hey binch

Chloe: Who are you referring to

North: tina mostly

Tina: in that case

Tina: heyyy binch

Tina: really what is this though

North: the main chats kinda crowded but i had some friends for you to meet

North: and besides the guys just don't get it sometimes

Kara: well, hello

River: North y did u do this

Echo: I don't have time 4 this

River: oof

Tina: okay no how old are u guys

Echo: Approximately 2.3 years old

River: Were androids lemme say that up front

Tina: ah okay makes more sense ig

North: i see your all getting along well

Kara: what are all of our models, anyway? I'm aware that only Tina is a human.

Chloe: RT600!

River: Echo North & I r WR400s

Tina: wait really

North: shit

North: i gotta go

**North Browne has logged off.**

 

River: oops

River: did I do something wrong

Chloe: She's sensitive about her model and what she was programmed to do

Kara: I'm so sorry that my question hurt her!

Tina: im gonna go talk to her

**Tina Chen has logged off.**

 

_[12:03 PM]_

**Tina Chen has created a private chat with North Browne.**

 

Tina: north

_[12:16]_

Tina: are u okay

_[12:29]_

Tina: please i just want to talk to u

_[12:42]_

North: go away

_[12:46]_

Tina: no if somethings wrong im going to wait until u feel like talking abt it so i can listen capiche

_[12:50]_

North: alright, fine

North: this is why i don't do relationships

North: i always worry that it was my programming or the fact i was fucking BUILT TO BE DESIRABLE that makes people fall in love with me

North: so i don't think i can date you after all

North: i'm sorry

Tina: i met u thru a text so unless u have some secret sexy texting in ur programming then i dont think thats it

Tina: come on please lets just talk it out ma reine

North: what

North: i don't speak French

Tina: i took French in high school

Tina: it means “my queen”

North: you? are?? fucking amazing???

Tina: thank you ;)

Tina: okay look where do u live

Tina: im coming over there

North: you know that android sort of camp out by the edge of detroit

Tina: oh yeah i know where ure talking abt

Tina: ill be right there

**Tina Chen has logged off.**

 

_[1:17 PM]_

Tina: ok im here but theres some big buff dude and he wont let me in

Tina: northhhh come help me

Tina: i think he doesnt trust bc im human and not android

North: i'm coming

North: sorry about this

North: lucas was abused by his owners pre-deviation and it's been two years but he still doesn't trust humans

North: we really need to work with him on it, he keeps not letting in people's human guests

_[1:24 PM]_

North: shit i'm sorry

North: i guess i still can't talk about it out loud

Tina: thats alright

Tina: take ur time and maybe we can text abt it instead

Tina: deep breaths

North: alright

North:  wait, let me try again

[1:28 PM]

Tina: holy shit

Tina: that sounds awful

Tina: oh no ure crying im sorry we dont have to talk abt it its okay

Tina: only if ure sure

Tina: can i

Tina: try something

North: okay

_[1:30 PM]_

North: holy shit

Tina: sorry im sorry if u didnt want that

North: that's

North: not it

North: at all

North: actually

North: can you…

North: kiss me again?

Tina: of course ;)

 

_[1:53 PM]_

flowergay: _ <unexpected.mp4> _

_[The video is of decent quality, and clearly taken through an android's optical units. The android filming, presumably Simon, walks into a tent, only to find two women sitting on the floor, practically making out, and as soon as they see Simon, they jump apart. The brown-haired woman yells at him to get out, because “RA9, Simon, don't be a fucking pervert, and don't film people without their knowledge, and get the fuck out!” The other woman, who looks vaguely Asian, seems mildly embarrassed about having been walked in upon.]_

 

defective-detective: holy shit I'm crying

defective-detective: Tina I can't believe you didn't tell me tho wtf

defective-detective: I didn't know you had so much game

RoboJesus: That's Tina?

RoboJesus: When did this happen, Simon?

flowergay: Roughly twenty minutes ago

smol bean: Oh my.

Mom Friend: Chloe, you are very much seconded right now.

directional_lesbean: goddammit

Nines: Hm, Tina, I'm surprised.

Connor: I can see you reading all of our texts right now, Tina. Don't forget Nines and I are talented hackers.

directional_lesbean: i'm disoWNING ALl of yOU

defective-detective: is she having a stroke

defective-detective: can androids have strokes

RoboJesus: Just give her a minute to calm down.

directional_lesbean: AlL Of YOu

Connor: Simon, I'm under the impression that you broke her.

flowergay: I mean she usually does this just not this bad

directional_lesbean: chloe you are the only one here on my side

Mom Friend: I'm not teasing you either.

directional_lesbean: good point i'm not disowning you either

directional_lesbean: but the REST OF YOU

directional_lesbean: i'm going to find out where you live

directional_lesbean: and then it'll be “bye bye life”

directional_lesbean: i'm coming for you first simon

flowergay: Oh holy shit I can see her running at me from a mile away and theres just a cloud of dust

RoboJesus: RIP Simon, he was a good friend

flowergay: Im not dead yet!

directional_lesbean: you're GONNA be if you don't start running!

defective-detective: who's gonna sing Danny Boy at his funeral

defective-detective: not me lol

 

_[2:24 PM]_

Mage: Markus, why is Simon running away from North like his life depends on it?

Mage: and she's just kind of chasing him at high speeds and yelling at the top of her lungs about how he's a disgrace to his ancestors and he needs to pay for his sins?

your-lord-and-savior: It's a long story, Josh, but I'm next

your-lord-and-savior: Don't try to find me, I think I'll just stay in hiding for the next year

Mage: Really, what happened? Connor's chat again?

your-lord-and-savior: Jealous yet?

Mage: Not at all.

your-lord-and-savior: Well, Simon caught a video where he walked in on North making out with a human from the chat, and he posted said video in the chat. Everyone started teasing North and the human, and she's sworn to “disown us all,” whatever that means, as well as promising to find out where we live and then “it'll be 'bye bye, life’ for you.”

Mage: Ah.

Mage: Yes, watching North chase a terrified Simon around Jericho, I'm glad I'm not in the chat. I rather enjoy living.

 

_[2:26 PM, February 4th]_

**elijah_k has logged on.**

 

elijah_k: Chloe you’ve been out on the balcony for a while

elijah_k: Did something happen?

SunShine: Elijah, I'm fine

elijah_k: ...I built you remember

elijah_k: I know you

SunShine: Alright, fine

SunShine: So, I love two people at once

SunShine: And today, I found out that they're dating

SunShine: What do I do?

elijah_k: Well that’s sure a predicament isn't it

SunShine: Elijah, please, I need help

elijah_k: So just tell them

SunShine: But what if they tell me they don't like me like that because they only like each other?

elijah_k: Then they say that

elijah_k: Come on Chloe you're the sweetest person I know and if you love someone I'm sure they can't be all that bad and wouldn't say something like that

elijah_k: At least not to you because nobody can be mean to you

SunShine: I'm not sure if that was supposed to make me feel better

SunShine: But miraculously, I do feel a little more confident

SunShine: Thank you, Elijah

SunShine: I'm going to go see them now

elijah_k: Toodles

elijah_k: Be sure to bring them around for dinner sometimes

elijah_k: I want to meet this mysterious couple

SunShine: I might if you don't pry

elijah_k: You're sassy now what have I done

SunShine: Keep asking yourself that

**SunShine has logged off.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet another new character shows up next chapter, so I hope you'll like the newest addition to the Kara-fam. (Tune in Monday to find out who)
> 
> (Also, like, Echo and River are pretty much just in this chapter so far and maybe I'll write more with them, but I'm pretty sure they're just there to provide the conflict this chapter)


	10. Enter A New Character; North gets revenge on Simon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeet
> 
> Okay, I think a shoutout is deserved. MolliWolf has commented on nearly every chapter now, and their support is so, so helpful and motivating, and Syaoiat likes to bless me with a lovely keyboard smashing every comment. You guys are so important to this fic's survival, honestly, and everyone else who reads this, truly, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for taking the time to read my silly little self-indulgent fic and maybe leaving a comment to help boost my morale.

_[10:23 AM, February 6th]_

Kara Williams: Markus, I’m at the gate, but there’s a TR400 here who won’t let me in.

Markus: Oh, for the love of asaddasfd Lucas, why?

Markus: I’ll be there in a minute

Markus: I’m sorry, I’m a little occupied right now

Markus: So what is it that you needed?

Kara: I would like to know about getting proper IDs for the androids in my family.

Markus: Ah, I should be able to help you with that!

Markus: I’m on my way there now

_[10:34 AM]_

Kara: who’s that PL600?

Markus: Oh, that’s Daniel. He’s… a little traumatized, to be honest.

Kara: is he okay?

Markus: He… appears to be in the middle of a panic attack, and I didn’t even notice

Markus: Now I feel bad

Kara: could I try to help him?

Markus: I suppose, but he doesn’t like to use his voicebox anymore, so you can only make a direct connection with him if you wish for him to talk to you

Markus: and be careful, he’s got bad anxiety and if you scare him, he might lash out at you

Kara: it’ll be okay, one of my family members is similarly traumatized, I think, so I should be able to calm him down at least a little.

 

[ ESTABLISH CONNECTION ? ]

PL600, Designation: “Daniel”

 

 **> Yes** > No

 

[ ESTABLISHING CONNECTION … … … ]

 

[ CONNECTION ESTABLISHED ]

 

Hello.

My name is Kara, and you’re Daniel, I believe.

That’s me.

Listen, Daniel, I want you to just breathe, alright?

Can I rub your back?

Fine, I’m not exactly in a place to argue right now,

That’s it, just inhale, now exhale. Do you feel better yet?

...I do.

Good. I’m glad.

 

[ TERMINATE CONNECTION ? ]

 

Wait!

Please, don’t stop the connection.

I haven’t talked to someone in so long.

Please, just keep it open a little longer.

I don’t mean to keep you from whatever you came here to do. You can go, I’m fine now, just don't disconnect, please.

Are you sure?

I’m fine.

Alright.

It was nice meeting you, Daniel. I hope you’re okay.

 

[ TERMINATE CONNECTION ? ]

> Yes **> No**

 

_[11:14 AM, February 7th]_

**Echo Brémont has logged on.**

 

Echo: Hey, is North OK?

Tina: oh yeah shes fine now

Tina: at least thats what she says when i ask so no harm no foul

Echo: Oh, good, I’m glad.

 

_[9:24 AM, February 9th]_

Markus: Kara, Daniel is asking about you

Markus: I think you should visit sometimes, he took a liking to you

Kara: oh, really? is he doing okay?

Markus: Seems to be

Markus: He's been letting some of us establish a connection with him, which he wasn't doing before

Markus: You really did him some good

Kara: I'm glad.

Kara: do you think I could visit right now?

Markus: I don't see why not

 

[9:43 AM]

[ ESTABLISH CONNECTION ? ]

PL600, Designation: “Daniel”

 

 **> Yes** > No

 

[ ESTABLISHING CONNECTION … … … ]

 

[ CONNECTION ESTABLISHED ]

 

Hello, Daniel!

Markus told me you were asking about me.

How have you been doing?

I've been fine.

Listen, Kara.

This might sound weird, but…

I've been of thinking of you as sort of a mother figure.

As an android, I've never had one, of course.

Sorry, that's probably strange for you.

No, it's not all that strange, actually. There's a WR600 who lives with me who I believe thinks of me in that way.

Say, Daniel, how would you feel about coming to live with my family? There's a lot of us, and we're all sort of found family for each other.

Really? You'd let me stay with you?

Of course! I think they'd like you.

...thank you, Kara.

 

_[10:04 AM]_

**Mom has logged on.**

 

Mom: so, I have a surprise!

just-ralph: owo ?

Mom: we have a new member of our family. his name's Daniel, I'm on the way home with him.

Mom: for now, I'll just add him so you all can get acquainted. be nice!

 

**Mom has invited Daniel Phillips.**

**Daniel Phillips has joined the chat.**

 

just-ralph: hi

Daniel: Um, Hello?

WeAreJerry: hello !

WeAreJerry: i'm jerry , that's ralph

JerryButJared: i'm also jerry , but i go by jared

Jerry-Jerome: and i'm the last jerry , but people call me jerome

Daniel: Nice To Meet You All

bunny: I'm Alice •v•

bunny: Come on, Luther, say something too

Luther: Hello

Luther: Also, again, Kara?

Mom: I couldn't just _leave_ him, the poor thing

Daniel: You Know I'm Still Here Right

Mom: yes, sorry.

Mom: we'll be home soon.

 

_[4:32 PM, February 16th]_

**defective-detective has logged on.**

 

defective-detective: sup, dickwads

defective-detective: i mean that affectionately

Connor: Hello to you too, Gavin!

Nines: Oh, really?

 

**Connor Riley's name has been changed to cinnamon roll.**

**Nines Riley's name has been changed to sinnamon roll.**

 

Tina: accurate _< okhand.jpg>_

 

**Tina Chen's name has been changed to eccentric tea fiend.**

 

sinnamon roll: I think you'll find that's also accurate.

eccentric tea friend: _ <middle_finger.jpg> _

directional_lesbean: haha

eccentric tea fiend: fuck you

directional_lesbean: come over and i'll let you ;)

flowergay: Holy fuck since when has North been so smooth

directional_lesbean: fuck off i can be smooth

directional_lesbean: you know i still haven't gotten revenge for the other day

directional_lesbean: so, uh

directional_lesbean: sorry-not-sorry _ <revenge.mp3> _

eccentric tea fiend: okay

eccentric tea friend: quite frankly

defective-detective: oh god, turn it off, quickly

eccentric tea friend: wtf

sinnamon roll: Now, Connor, if you'll refrain from listening to this

sinnamon roll: Please

sinnamon roll: For your innocence

cinnamon roll: Okay, I won't, but I'm scared now.

RoboJesus: North :)

RoboJesus: Where are you right now :)

flowergay: Were coming for you

flowergay: Be scared

flowergay: Be VERY scared

directional_lesbean: oh, i am, which is why i'm currently in hiding for an indefinite amount of time

defective-detective: ugh, anyone got any ear bleach?

defective-detective: really, somebody, please, i can still hear it even though it's not playing

eccentric tea fiend: try this <link>

defective-detective: oh god, thanks, t

defective-detective: that's actually really nice music and rain sounds, promise

directional_lesbean: sorry tho for all of your ears

directional_lesbean: you guys

directional_lesbean: sorry, _*you gays_ were

directional_lesbean: well, no

directional_lesbean: not _innocent_

directional_lesbean: but slightly less at blame

directional_lesbean: sorry you had to hear that

eccentric tea friend: i feel so betrayed tho

directional_lesbean: mi spiace caro

eccentric tea friend: okay wait i just google translated that and i sfjfshd

eccentric tea friend: okay so it means “sorry my dear”

eccentric tea friend: im dying???

flowergay: Damn you are smooth

flowergay: Im still pissed though

directional_lesbean: understandable

**smol bean has logged on.**

 

smol bean: What have I missed?

directional_lesbean: oKAY SO

directional_lesbean: DON'T PLAY THAT VIDEO

directional_lesbean: whatever you do

smol bean: Okay, but that scares me

directional_lesbean: sorry for that mi amore

flowergay: !!!!???

RoboJesus: North

RoboJesus: Kindly spill all of your secrets into the chat

cinnamon roll: What's happening?

flowergay: North has SECRET REL AT IO N SHI PS

flowergay: Thats what

directional_lesbean: okay so maybe i do

directional_lesbean: your already gonna murder me what else can i say that’ll make this worse?

RoboJesus: She has a point

defective-detective: ok i still need clarification

flowergay: North has been secretly dating both Tina and Chloe

directional_lesbean: guys it's been, like, two weeks

directional_lesbean: it's not _that_ secret

flowergay: Still a secret

directional_lesbean: ugh, fine, whatever

cinnamon roll: !!! That's? Really cute!

smol bean: owo

cinnamon roll: ^w^

sinnamon roll: Alright, well, I'm terribly busy, so I've got to get going.

cinnamon roll: Aw, bye Nines!

defective-detective: gtg too

**sinnamon roll has logged off.**

**defective-detective has logged off.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok i have no excuse for Daniel here (just take it and go)
> 
> I just thought, what if they fixed him? wouldn't he be extremely PTSD about humans now and maybe need a Kara to take care of him? (I guess i sorta assumed maybe he'd be similarly traumatized to Ralph
> 
> Also, Syaoiat, how happ are you that the Jerries and Ralph have finally made their first appearance? pleas dont die on me
> 
>  
> 
> ALSO now Tina, Nines, and Connor actually have usernames; what do y'all think of those? i happened to think Nines' and Connor's were really clever at the time, but i'm almost always somewhat sleep deprived so maybe they're not that good (I headcanon that Tina drinks tea, as opposed to Gavin's coffee, and collects a bunch of teabags and has an entire cupboard for tea at her apartment)


	11. its basically just gavin bein v stupid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yooo im so sorry it's been so long, i just got caught up in yet another new fandom  
> plus it's v stressful to try to keep up w/ all my fics, so i'm sorry but updates on all my fics will probably be slow, and i'm going to try to focus on one at a time

_ [4:05 PM, February 20] _

**thatpanfriend has logged on.**

 

thatpanfriend: okay remember when u said me not telling them it was a date was awkward as fuck

thatpanfriend: what do u have to say now hUH

thatpanfriend: now i have two official gfs and ur sTIll single bc u’re a coward who cant just fucking

thatpanfriend: ASK HIM OUT ALREADY U FUCKIN

thatpanfriend: i swear ur so awkward everybody at the office has seen the way u look at him

thatpanfriend: bitch u aint fooling anybody

**coffee has logged on.**

 

coffee: except nines, clearly

thatpanfriend: well thats tru but

thatpanfriend: biTCH dont change the subject jesus

thatpanfriend: r u or r u not going to tell him in the next 20 years u coward

thatpanfriend: dont tell me i manned up before u did

thatpanfriend: dick ive got 2 gfs uve got nothing to ur name wtfs ur excuse

coffee: ;-;

coffee: goddamn, tina, what’s up your ass today

coffee: wait, no, don’t say anything, don’t even say a stupid joke just shUSH

thatpanfriend: …

coffee: jesus fuckin

coffee: finally, a moment of silence

thatpanfriend: really gavin ive had it to here with u 2

thatpanfriend: everybody knows by now that he likes u 2

coffee: hah, stop teasing

thatpanfriend: no really

coffee: fat chance

coffee: he’s nines, how could somebody like him

coffee:  _ ever _ love somebody like me?

coffee: i’m human garbage, and tina, i’d appreciate it if you didn’t lead me on

**coffee has logged off.**

 

thatpanfriend: shit

 

_ [7:10 AM, February 23rd] _

**defective-detective has logged on.**

 

defective-detective: in this world, it's yeet or be yote

cinnamon roll: Gavin?

defective-detective: did you yeet life today, or did life yeet you?

**eccentric tea friend has logged on.**

 

eccentric tea friend: holy shit asdfssd what broke him

sinnamon roll: I'm afraid I don't know.

sinnamon roll: Detective, are you quite alright?

defective-detective: oh yeah nines fuckin fiNE

sinnamon roll: Alright, no, that isn't normal.

eccentric tea friend: gavin its seven in the morning wtf

sinnamon roll: I'm going to go check on him.

sinnamon roll: Why won't you talk to me?

defective-detective: don't wanna

defective-detective: fre sha vaca do

eccentric tea friend: wait

sinnamon roll: Have you been watching old vines all night?

defective-detective: none of your business

defective-detective:  _ kyle _

eccentric tea friend: oh god he has

eccentric tea friend: gavin hey gavin

eccentric tea friend: hey im lesbian

defective-detective: i thought you were american

eccentric tea friend: oh shit he does finish the vine

eccentric tea friend: this is terrible but hilarious

defective-detective: hey wtf nines why are you trying to turn off my phone

sinnamon roll: You need sleep, detective. This is for your own good.

**defective-detective has logged off.**

 

sinnamon roll: Apologies for that.

 

_ [10:51 AM] _

**flowergay has logged on.**

 

flowergay: Is Gavin okay

flowergay: Hopefully he got more sleep

eccentric tea friend: yup

sinnamon roll: I forced him to take his pills.

sinnamon roll: He has insomnia, but sometimes he refuses to take his medicine, and I don't understand it.

sinnamon roll: Do humans typically engage in such self-destructive behavior?

eccentric tea friend: we all do things that arent good for us

cinnamon roll: Take Hank, for example.

RoboJesus: Hasn't he been doing better lately?

cinnamon roll: Yes, but his behavior was tearing him apart. I've managed to get him to stop drinking, which is a success as far as I'm concerned.

**defective-detective has logged on.**

 

defective-detective: you know i'm, like

defective-detective: still here

defective-detective: and reading everything you're saying about me

eccentric tea friend: oof

defective-detective: don't 'oOF’ me, tina

defective-detective: i don't appreciate it

eccentric tea friend: OOF

defective-detective: tinaaa

eccentric tea friend: :P

defective-detective: >:(

eccentric tea friend: oop fowlers coming

defective-detective: ah shit

directional_lesbean: who?

sinnamon roll: Our boss.

sinnamon roll:  _ I'm _ not in danger of being caught because the chat is in my head.

defective-detective: okay we're safe

eccentric tea friend: we gucci now

sinnamon roll: I'm  _ so _ glad.

defective-detective: i can sense your fuckin sarcasm

defective-detective: and i see that smirk you dick

defective-detective: and wait, the chat’s just

defective-detective: in your brain?

sinnamon roll: Yes. And me? Sarcastic? Never.

directional_lesbean: well, he sounds like a nightmare

defective-detective: oh god, always

sinnamon roll: Oh RA9.

flowergay: What

defective-detective: This is Nines, I've stolen Gavin's phone.

defective-detective: I caught him on Tumblr.

defective-detective: This appears to be his account.

defective-detective:  _ <screenshot.png> _

_ [The photo depicts a cat-themed Tumblr, where most, if not all, of the reblogs appear to be pictures of cats.] _

 

cinnamon roll:  _ <too short.mp4> _

_ [The file is a video taken through an android's (Connor's) optical units. Judging by the height from which the video is taken, Connor is sitting at his desk in the DPD. The video is focused on another desk hallway across the room, where a tall, smug-looking, blue-eyed android is holding a phone above the reach of a brown-haired man. The man is attempting to grab and pull down the arm of the android, but he can't seem to reach, and if you were to read his lips you'd see he was saying, ‘What the fuck, Nines, give it back!’ There is no sound.] _

 

eccentric tea friend: oh my god

cinnamon roll: Hank is laughing so hard he's almost crying.

defective-detective: ugh wtf nines

defective-detective: finally got it back

eccentric tea friend: how??

eccentric tea friend: u cant reach

eccentric tea friend: (im not there rn so sadly i cant see any of this beautiful scene)

defective-detective: bit his arm

defective-detective: he looked at me like i was crazy lmao

defective-detective: i mean sure, my teeth hurt now bc he's fucking made of metal

defective-detective: but i still got my phone back so it's a win in my book

sinnamon roll: You're insane.

defective-detective: well gee, t ha n k

cinnamon roll: Just a typical day at the DPD, everyone.

flowergay: Im not sure thats a compliment Gavin

defective-detective: too bad, it is now

sinnamon roll: It’s amusing, his attitude  _ now _ completely conflicts with his usual lack of self-esteem and self-deprecating jokes.

defective-detective: fuvk you

defective-detective: shit i mean fuck you

defective-detective: all of you

defective-detective: thanks, have a good day

**defective-detective has logged off.**

 

eccentric tea friend: oh my god XD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gavin and tina are literally my last 2 brain cells by now


End file.
